Intro

I have been talking about how to cultivate emotional permanence in love, but in fact, the most important thing in cultivating emotional permanence is the growth environment. According to research, a person who lacks parental care and is neglected by his parents when growing up is even more insecure and lacks emotional permanence. This kind of emotional lack caused by the lack of love while growing up is difficult to cure, and it is very likely that he will often feel the lack of emotion and lack of emotional permanence in his later life, such as when getting along with his partner.

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Therefore, in this article, we will learn about the impact of lack of emotional permanence in the growth process and how parents can cultivate emotional permanence in their children’s growth process.

What are the effects of lack of emotional permanence?

Many parents today know the importance of cultivating emotional permanence in their children from an early age. But many parents feel confused about how to cultivate them specifically.

Children who lack emotional permanence often have the following problems:

• Either very clingy or too independent;
• Excessive pursuit of perfection and inability to accept failure;
• Very well-behaved, able to observe words and emotions at a very young age and please adults;
• In the process of social interaction, he is timid and withdrawn, and is mostly defensive towards children;
• Care very much about the approval and evaluation of others, and will become pessimistic and negative if they lose external feedback;
• The child is very aggressive and loves to hit others. He looks “tough” on the outside but is very fragile on the inside.

These problems always trouble parents. If we only focus on discipline methods, the problems often cannot be solved well. This requires us to go deep into the root of the problem – the lack of emotional permanence in children, and do work at this point.

How to cultivate emotional permanence?

Emotional permanence is intangible and seems abstract. What exactly is it and how did it come about?

Emotional permanence refers to a person’s psychological need for stability and security. It originates from the attachment relationship between child and caregiver. A secure attachment relationship can give children a sufficient sense of security.

As a parent, how can we give our children sufficient emotional permanence in the details of daily parenting so that they can feel safe? At different ages of children, we will have different focuses.

The first stage: 0–1 year old

Psychologist Erikson pointed out that in the early stages of individual development, the development topic is to establish the individual’s initial sense of trust in the world. When a baby is born, if he is well taken care of by his parents or other caregivers, especially the mother, if he can adopt a loving attitude towards the baby, and this kind of love is frequent, consistent and reliable, the baby will feel comfortable and satisfied. It will produce the initial emotional permanence and generate trust and expectation in the world around you.

That is to say, everyone’s initial emotional permanence comes from a caring environment with a suitable temperature and a stable caregiver, usually the mother. If a mother can care and comfort her child when he cries; feed him when he is hungry; clean him regularly and give him warm hugs. Such a response, over time, will make the child feel safe and at ease.

Through the mother, the child falls in love with the world. He received the message in his heart from the response that I was worthy of love. In the first few months of a child’s life, mothers must remain sensitive to their child’s needs in their upbringing, and being able to interact synchronously with their child is the key to cultivating their child’s emotional permanence.

Determine your child’s needs

The first thing new mothers need to learn is to observe their children, judge their needs, follow motherhood, and accumulate their own experience.

• When a child cries, learn to tell whether the child is hungry, thirsty, sleepy or has diarrhea?
• How does your child like to be treated when bathing or changing diapers?
• According to the child’s emotions, identify the surrounding environment and whether the child adapts to it and likes it.
• Synchronous interaction. In addition, we must learn to interact with our children synchronously. When your child is excited, respond to him enthusiastically; when your child is tired, respond to him quietly. Such “same frequency resonance” will also make children feel stable and safe.

Second stage: 1–3 years old

After a child turns one year old, he or she will gradually develop self-awareness. At this time, the child’s need for caregiver care gradually decreases. He needs to experience a sense of certainty and control in order to have emotional permanence. When these two needs are met, the child will feel more secure.

The so-called sense of certainty mainly comes from a stable living environment, which includes a fixed caregiver, the stable emotions of the caregiver, the family’s stable life rhythm and routine, determined boundaries, etc. In daily life, we need to do the following:

Have a relatively fixed caregiver

The child needs a relatively fixed caregiver who should be clearly informed when separated from the child. In addition, children at this stage will have strong separation anxiety. When the child’s main attachment object (generally the mother) is separated from the child, he must greet the child and explain the reason. For example, “Mom is going to work! She will come back to see the baby in the afternoon!” If the child cries and makes a fuss, the mother can comfort the child for a while and then say goodbye!

Compared with leaving quietly, this method will arouse a stronger emotional reaction in the child, but it can make the child have a better sense of certainty and feel more at ease! It is also more conducive to the cultivation of emotional permanence.

Conclusion

The above is the article in this issue about the cultivation of emotional permanence in children’s growth. The development of emotional permanence cannot be separated from the care of parents. We will continue to share it in the next issue, so look forward to it together.