Introduction

Many people will be unconfident, sensitive, pessimistic, self-denying, complaining, and will not refuse. Long-term internal friction, always caring about other people’s opinions and worrying about what others will think. These emotional bondages may have been formed later, but most of them come from the original family. After you become an adult or enter society, these emotions will always be with you. It will consume a lot of your energy and leave you no time to do important things. But this is not the biggest emotional bondage. The biggest emotional bondage is that emotions can further worsen things.

A psychologist once said: “A happy childhood can be healed for a lifetime, but an unfortunate childhood can be healed for a lifetime.” If you don’t experience it personally, you may never be able to imagine how much influence your original family has on a person.

The easiest behavior to give children emotional bondage

No encouragement, only blows

Many parents will regard their children as their own accessories and let them “listen” to them and do things according to their own ideas. As independent individuals, as children grow older, they gradually develop their own thinking and will “talk back” to their parents. This is seen as a sign of “rebellion” in the eyes of some parents.

In order to establish their own authority, they will continue to use blows to make their children submit. It seems that everything they do is wrong. With their terrible desire to control, they unknowingly poison the healthy growth of their children. This kind of hitting behavior can easily make a child become a sensitive person with low self-esteem, resulting in emotional bondage.

Inadvertent emotional harm

In clinical psychological consultation, injuries to the original family can be simply classified into the following types: physical injuries, verbal injuries, sexual injuries and emotional injuries. When it comes to the influence of the original family, many people will first think of physical harm, but in fact, most children may have inadvertently suffered emotional harm from their parents.

Emotional neglect

• Parents, can’t you care about me? I’m really under a lot of pressure to study.
• How else should we care for you? With your grades already like this, you still have the nerve to make demands from us?

Over control

• Why don’t you have a partner yet? Come back for a blind date quickly. You must find a marriage partner this year, otherwise you won’t be able to get married.
• I told my parents on weekends where I was going, who I was going with, and when I would be back, but my parents just didn’t agree with me moving out of the house and living alone.

Emotional blackmail

• It’s not easy for your parents to give birth to you and raise you, why don’t you do this and that?
• If it weren’t for you to go to school, your parents would have lived a good life long ago, and yet you still treat us like this!

Forced into parents’ marriage

• Otherwise, my parents would have divorced long ago because of you!

Lack of spirit

Many parents think that as long as they provide their children with good material conditions, they can become successful and have a perfect life. However, in fact, research shows that compared with material conditions, children who are spiritually satisfied are more likely to succeed. Many parents ignore spiritual communication with their children, ignore their feelings, and ignore their growth. Therefore, it is easy for children to suffer psychological trauma when they are young. Children who are mentally deficient often rarely communicate their psychological feelings with others. They prefer to bury things in their hearts when they encounter them. Therefore, when faced with suppressed emotions, the impact of emotional bondage will be greater.

Behavioral impact

We often say: “What kind of parents are there, there are what kind of children.” Parents, as the first teachers for children to come into contact with the world, are also the main objects of imitation for children in the early stages of their lives. Parents’ words, deeds, and emotional reactions during conflicts will inevitably serve as examples of aggression for their children. Parents’ demeanor, posture, emotions, and language will subtly affect their children’s way of doing things, life attitudes, and self-understanding.

If the main experience in the original family is a family atmosphere of indifference, alienation, mutual blame, and mutual distrust between parents, children will easily become mean, indifferent, withdrawn, selfish, suspicious, and lacking in love. The way you do things will also have an impact. When you grow up and face the correct way of doing things, emotional bondage will occur.

How to solve the emotional bondage caused by the original family?

Original family

More encouragement and less discouragement

Give more encouragement to children’s behavior and less punishment. Even if you face children’s unintentional wrong behavior, you must use appropriate methods to guide them correctly. Respect the child’s self-esteem. After all, our real goal is to let him learn how to deal with things correctly. Not by destroying your child’s confidence.

Communicate more with children

Psychological communication between parents and children is very important. We can understand the current situation of the children in time, and if there are any abnormalities, we can solve them in time. Will bad things become a shadow for the child and become a kind of emotional bondage when he grows up?

Create a good family atmosphere

In addition to the parents’ personality and education methods in the original family, the family atmosphere is very important to the individual’s trust, emotional stability and aggression, language ability, communication ability, ability to express love, and self-identity. Influence.

Because personality is formed in the practical process of interaction between people, the quality of the parents’ marriage relationship, whether parents can establish a positive interaction model, and many ways of conducting themselves in the world are usually seen by children and remembered in their hearts. , becomes the way they face society in the future, and will also affect the formation and development of their children’s personality.

Personal

Recognize emotional bondage

First of all, we should realize the limitations of our own character and the shadows in our hearts caused by the environment in which we grew up. We should recognize that this emotional bondage is the source of our pain and reduce our psychological pressure.

Resist

Build a strong self in your heart and tell your childhood self to resist the control of your parents and not lose your direction.

Forgive

Complaining blindly and resenting your parents will not solve any problem, because the reality has not changed. Understanding them from the perspective of your parents is not to allow you to accept their behavior, but to understand the environment they have experienced and the education they have had so that they can treat you better. Emotional bondage was produced. Have the courage to take on your current responsibilities and improve your current self. Focus on the future.

Conclusion

Facing the emotional bondage brought by our original family, we should first realize that this kind of emotional bondage is wrong, establish a correct outlook on life and values, and go out in our own direction.