The war of love

What couple, what couple doesn’t quarrel? The most important thing is how to solve it! If misunderstandings and conflicts are not resolved again and again, the emotional permanence in love will disappear. Then when conflicts occur, how should we solve them so that we can cultivate the emotional permanence of love without hurting the feelings?

Don’t try to win an argument

I have shared before that excessive communication can help cultivate the emotional permanence of love. However, when people argue, they often want to “win or lose” and prove that they are “right.” However, this attitude is not helpful in resolving disputes or problems. If you insist on “winning,” your partner will feel like you don’t care about their thoughts and feelings. This approach will make your relationship more antagonistic and difficult to communicate, which is very detrimental to emotional permanence.

This attitude also suggests that the argument is more about feeling dominant and legitimate than it is about resolving any of the underlying issues that gave rise to the argument. Striving to win over your partner does not create a long-lasting and happy relationship. People on the “lower side” tend to want to fight back, resist, and respond, and you’re likely to walk away unsatisfied with the end result.

Solution

Just as approaching an argument with a “must-win” attitude is bad for your relationship, so is using unfair tactics in an argument. Yelling, Cold War, blame-shifting, and deliberately hurtful words are unnecessary methods that will not solve any emotional problems.

• There’s no need to resort to tricks, just be honest about your frustrations and frustrations. For example, instead of assigning blame or condemning, just focus on sharing your feelings. The more specific the better.
• Instead of stressing, “It’s all your fault,” be honest about why you feel hurt or frustrated. Condemning the other party often arouses the other party’s defensiveness and makes them unwilling to spend time listening to your troubles. I still think it is more important to calm down and solve the problem. Arguing is the most detrimental to emotional permanence.
• Don’t use words like “never” and “always” as they are biased and tend to create tension.If these behaviors occur during an argument, pause and wait until both parties have calmed down before continuing. Go for a walk, take a deep breath, write in a journal, or play with your kids so you can calm down when discussing it with your partner.

Discuss one issue at a time

It’s easy to bring other issues into the discussion and complain. However, this approach will only make problems overwhelming, making people overwhelmed and helpless. Don’t be controlled by your emotions. If each situation is handled well, there will be no concentrated outbursts. Don’t bring up past events just because you are emotional, and don’t complicate them. In addition to affecting the emotional permanence, it will also make the gap between the two people bigger and bigger.

Be brave enough to admit your mistakes

It’s normal to make mistakes in your love life, but refusing to admit that you made a mistake or hurt someone else’s heart is not conducive to maintaining a long-lasting and happy relationship. Only when both parties can admit their mistakes promptly after making mistakes can potential problems be solved and emotional permanence enhanced.

Learn to forgive

Storing resentments and holding on to past hurts can make both of you unhappy. Forgiving is not easy, but it creates a lasting and healthy love.

Method

• Reflect on the reasons why you are hurting firstly, tell yourself if the incident then occurred carries the same weight as the pain inflicted upon you. Also admit that your words and actions contribute to the way things turn out eventually.
• Determine whether you resent someone due to your traumatic background experience.
• Consider the benefits of forgiving. It is sometimes frustrating, anxiety generating and stressful to hold to old grudges; but it could relieve one by overcoming these bitter feelings through forgiveness.
• Continually digging up past scores between you and the other person will leave you all exhausted, discouraged and uncertain about the direction that your relationship is headed.

Not all relationship problems can be solved

Although you may think that all relationship issues need to be resolved properly, this is not realistic in the long term. Even if they can’t agree on everything, people can still have lasting happy relationships and the emotional permanence of love.

Sometimes the relationship issues we identify are not necessarily the major issues we initially thought they were. Try asking yourself whether this issue is actually damaging to your relationship and needs to be addressed properly to gain new insights. Successful couples know how to compromise and adapt to each other, and understand that some things are not worth destroying each other’s relationship.

Know when to ask for help

Just in case the two of you get cornered with trying to solve your issues or even talk about your relationship and you can’t go on with it, then seek for assistance from a marriage consultant, a relationship counselor, or any relevant psychology expert. Letting it develop into a serious or even potentially deadly matter will actually increase the gravity of the situation. Cultivation of emotional permanence can be done by seeking help at an early stage. It would also be good to have an impartial yet competent counsel to facilitate the session during mediation.

Tips

• To build a lasting and happy love, you need to become good friends with your partner. Not only should you spend time cultivating common interests, but you should also be willing to develop different hobbies.
• Take the initiative to do thoughtful things to show your care for your partner.
• Try your best to resolve differences with a win-win outcome, rather than fighting to the death, because deciding who wins or loses may not necessarily be helpful to cultivate emotional permanence and a happy relationship.

Don’t let others interfere in your relationship

Troubled in-laws, overbearing parents and nosy friends can all wreak havoc on your emotional permanence. Work with your significant other to minimize this unnecessary interference. Of course you don’t have to completely isolate them, but don’t tolerate anyone who is unhelpful or even holding you back.

If you and your partner are worried about someone meddling in your relationship, have an honest conversation about it. Think about countermeasures together. It’s okay to listen and respond to other people’s concerns about your relationship, but you can also calmly and politely admit that such intrusion is getting in the way. Of course there are exceptions to everything, and if you are in an abusive relationship or someone else’s concerns are well-founded, don’t close yourself off or ignore other people’s help and support.

The above is all about how to cultivate the emotional permanence of love. I have shared in great detail the emotional permanence of love at different stages. If you want to know more, you can read the previous article. Next, we will also share how to cultivate emotional permanence in a family environment, so stay tuned!