Emotional permanence: the type of people who need the most care

What is emotional permanence?

Emotional permanence is like knowing that your partner loves you, even if they are not around or actively expressing love, you can believe that your partner loves you and feel happy, not only with your partner, but also with your family. On the contrary, some of us will often fall into panic and become anxious because we do not trust our parents, partners, and children.

The problem is a lack of emotional permanence

emotional Permanence

Is emotional permanence innate?

Emotional permanencee is something we develop, not something we are born with. For example, if you hide in a corner and your baby acts as if you’ve disappeared from the face of the earth, they haven’t learned object permanence yet. However, at some point in their development, they begin to understand that when they can’t see you, you still exist. That’s when they start poking their heads around corners looking for you. We are born attached to our family members, they care for us, and we interact emotionally with them, and we slowly develop emotional permanence. We begin to realize that this love is long-lasting, even if the family is not around.

Emotional Permanence

Then, it’s natural for us to miss the people we’re connected to when we’re away. Our feelings are like a stable currency, and because we have this emotional durability, we can be confident in our potential to explore and wonder about the outside world.

But if you grow up in a home where predictable emotional care is lacking, where a lack of emotional connection is the norm, you may lack confidence in other people’s emotions and be prone to emotional dysregulation.

Emotional Permanence

Symptoms of lack of emotional permanence

Seeking constant attention and reassurance from others

Craving attention is not a bad or abnormal thing. However, due to a lack of emotional permanence, they often feel a lack of attention and become extremely insecure and emotionally unstable. Needs constant reassurance that you are loved and that the relationship is safe.

Emotional Permanence

Never believe that you are loved

When your partner doesn’t express love to you, you don’t feel unloved, but you don’t feel that he loves you at all, and you don’t remember what it feels like to be loved. For example, if you are very anxious right now, you will go into a state of extreme panic and be completely unable to remember any real happiness that ever existed. It’s like you know love exists, but lack the belief that it does, so you simply can’t remember it.

Emotional Permanence

Difficulty regulating emotions

Difficulty regulating emotions. People who lack emotional permanence have difficulty regulating their emotions. They often have trouble controlling their emotions in emotional situations and find it difficult to understand that their partner is angry but still loves you.

Building emotional permanence

Those who lack emotional permanence often find themselves unable to manage their feelings or respond appropriately to the world around them. Emotional inability to regulate is harmful, and coping with it is critical to a stable emotional state.

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Emotional Permanence

Accept the lack of emotional permanence

The first step to recovery is accepting the fact that you lack emotional permanence. Many people keep trying to think through the following questions when they find themselves in an emotional tug of war:

  • Does my partner love me enough?
  • Will my partner abandon me?
  • Does my partner really want to spend his life with me?

Thoughts like this often come to mind when we struggle with lasting emotional deficits. When encountering this situation, we should first tell ourselves that this kind of doubt is caused by the lack of emotional permanence. We should remember this feeling and don’t put ourselves into the whirlpool of doubt and entanglement. None of the insecurities we feel are real.

Emotional Permanence

Talk about your feelings, especially in a relationship

Communicating with your partner frequently and expressing your emotions is very helpful for emotional balance. Actively work to build trust, expressing your own feelings while also providing a safe space for the other person to express their opinions. Instead of thinking about things alone, it is better to tell your partner directly what you need and make yourself feel loved. At the same time, you need to understand your partner’s feelings, see the efforts your partner has made for the relationship, and feel love better.

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Emotional Permanence

Build stable relationships

Recognizing that unstable relationships can damage our mental health and well-being and make us question our worth, further exacerbating our negative emotions, eliminating unhealthy relationships from our lives can help us feel less insecure and Start living a more fulfilling life.

Seek emotional support

Finding solutions by yourself is ultimately the slowest and less efficient. People who lack emotional persistence can easily start to doubt themselves during this process. So we still need to communicate more with people and feel more love. The latter can actively participate in relevant group activities, communicate with people who have problems, exchange experiences, and make friends.

Emotional Permanence

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness practices like deep breathing or meditation can help us focus on the present moment, which is especially helpful when dealing with anxiety or panic.

Emotional Permanence

Mindfulness practice

  • For people who lack emotional permanence, long-term connection meditation is recommended to help us regulate our emotions. Then you need to find a quiet place at home or find a quiet place. In fact, the requirement for quiet is not a completely sealed space, as long as there is no noisy sound. If the sounds of birds and streams are better, it will help calm your mind. We can light an aromatherapy to help us meditate better.



  • Plan your meditation time appropriately. When you first start meditating, you need to take it step by step. There is no need to force yourself to sit still for hours. The key lies in the effect. If you can maintain concentration for 10 minutes, 10 minutes is enough!
  • When meditating, to avoid having to check whether the time is up, you can set an alarm. It should be noted that the ringtone cannot be a harsh sound or a noisy buzzer, but a soft sound. For example, a soothing bell or soft piano music is perfect.


  • Experience different positions. Many people think that the meditative posture must be with legs crossed, like Avalokitesvara sitting in lotus position, but this is not the case. While meditating, you can sit, lie down, stand, or even walk. Experience different postures, and it doesn’t matter whether you use pillows or cushions. In short, there are no fixed postures for meditation. The most important thing is to make you feel the most natural and relaxed.


  • Of course it’s most comfortable to lie down, but don’t fall asleep! It doesn’t take long for me to meditate before I fall asleep, which is a common thing.Emotional Permanence

Negative emotions are very common in our lives. Nowadays, everyone is under a lot of pressure and may suddenly be in a bad mood. But we must remember that people must always believe in the existence of love. No matter what kind of situation we encounter, love us people and those we love must be a solid support, so don’t panic and don’t lose hope in life.



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