Intro

In the last issue, I shared that growing up emotionally permanence is indispensable without the company of parents, and it is best to have a fixed person to take care of you, that is, you must have a primary caregiver. Today we will share what should the primary caregiver pay attention to?

What should we pay attention to when cultivating emotional permanence?

The primary caregiver must have stable emotions

Children after the age of 1 gradually have their own ideas and often argue with their parents. At this time, coupled with the need to meet the needs of their children, it is not easy for parents to maintain emotional stability.

If parents want to maintain a good emotional state, on the one hand, they should pay more attention to their own body and mind and try not to be too tired; on the other hand, when their children are disobedient, they should think more about what their children’s needs are at this time. If this method If we can’t satisfy him, can we find another way? This way of thinking allows us to better understand children.

Let children know the schedule in advance

At this stage, we should try our best to maintain the regular routine of children’s daily routine. If there are changes, regardless of whether the children can understand them, it is best to explain to them in advance. For example, this morning, what do we need to do first, where will we go, and what will we do next? ; Before the child goes to a strange environment, we can also describe it to the child in advance. For example, today your mother will take you to your aunt’s house as a guest. There will be many children there and you can play together… Such narratives can enhance children’s sense of certainty and ensure emotional permanence.

Establish clear boundaries

At this time, in addition to the importance of emotional permanence, it is also a good time to cultivate children’s sense of rules. Establishing clear and consistent rules for children may cause temporary unhappiness, but in the end it will give them a greater sense of certainty and they will feel that their surroundings are not empty. These rules are like walls that protect them. As long as he moves within the “walls”, he is safe enough. In short, when a child feels that life is predictable, he has a greater sense of certainty.

In addition to emotional permanence, a sense of control is also an important need for children at this age. When they feel that they can control some things in the outside world, they will feel more secure and will be more conducive to the cultivation of emotional permanence. In our daily life, we can start from these two aspects:

Give children limited choices

You may think that giving children “rights” and firmly establishing rules are contradictory. In fact, this is not the case. In many cases, we can guide children in the right direction by providing them with limited choices. For example, if a child refuses to turn off the TV, we can say, “Do you want to turn it off in 3 minutes, or turn it off now while we play a game about Peppa Pig?”

Such limited choices not only adhere to the rules to a certain extent, but also give children a relative sense of control.

Inspire children to solve problems on their own

When a child has fun playing outside and doesn’t want to go home, we can say: “I can see that you still don’t want to leave, but mommy needs to go home to cook. What do you think we should do now?” We can also say if the child is fighting for toys with other children. Say, “I noticed that you both really want to play with this toy, but no one can play well with it if you keep trying. Do you have any good ideas?”

When we describe facts objectively and use questions to inspire children’s thinking, children’s ability to solve problems will be enhanced, their sense of control over the external world will be increased, they will feel more secure, and their emotional permanence will also increase.

The third stage: after 3 years old

After the child turns 3 years old, he begins to enter kindergarten and joins the collective life and study. At this time, children’s needs for their parents will be mainly reflected in the need to confirm from their parents that “I am good enough” and, when necessary, feel the emotional connection with their parents, thereby increasing emotional permanence.

Encourage children

Encourage children to develop a positive self-perception. When a child is in a group, she will want to know: “What kind of person am I” and “Am I good enough?” If parents can encourage their children more, the children will develop a positive self-perception, become more confident, and feel more secure inside when facing the outside world.

Of course, “encouraging” children requires skills. We can objectively describe some of the behavioral qualities of children we see.

For example, “The medicine is indeed very bitter. Mom noticed that you frowned just now, but you still insisted on drinking it.”

This kind of encouragement is a way of seeing and refining the child’s precious behavior, which will not put pressure on the child. At the same time, it can also guide the child to pay more attention to his good side, thus forming the saying “I am a very good person” cognition and cultivate emotional permanence.

Pay attention to mutual connections

Children after the age of 3 can handle many things on their own, and their scope of exploring the world is getting wider and wider. At this time, parents no longer need to “support” their children and be around them all the time. We stand more on the side and give them a warm hug when their children are emotional and need comfort, which can cultivate their children’s emotional well permanence.

At this time, a compulsory course for parents is to learn to listen to their children. The so-called listening means listening to the child’s expressions and feelings when he or she is emotional, but not eager to provide solutions or make big sense, but just to accompany the child. , until his emotions dissipate.

Such an attitude can help us connect better with our children, and it can also make children feel more confident: no matter what difficulties and setbacks they encounter in the future, their parents will always be the most accepting people; home will always be the warmest place for them. A safe haven!

As a parent, if you can only do one thing for your children, it must be to give them a sense of security! With a sense of security, children can have a stable inner world when dealing with the world alone. In this world, there is love, acceptance, confidence, and courage. Children will also provide nutrients when their parents need strength, and they can also bring them the most stable warmth when their parents are frustrated and lonely!